Dorothy and Friends Rob a Bank
by Beanstalks
Summary: When Dorothy Zbornak threatens Woody's life, Rose and the toys must help her rob a bank. 231% crackfic.


Dorothy Zbornak aimed a gun at Woody's head, screaming, "Alright, bitches, time to rob a bank!"

The toys gasped. Dorothy grabbed Woody by the neck and squeezed him tight.

"Now now, Mrs. Zbornak," Buzz Lightyear said calmly. "I think we can come to an understanding here."

"What's not to understand?" Dorothy screeched. "You help me rob a bank and your friend here doesn't get his wood chips blown out."

"Now, you leave Woody alone!" Jessie snapped.

Dorothy shot her in the head, killing the cowgirl instantly.

"Okay, let's go," the T-rex said.

So the T-rex, Woody, Buzz, three of those little alien bitches, that dachshund slinky thing, a quadriplegic Swiss gangsta, Dorothy, Jessie, Rose, and the Etch-A-Sketch all piled into Dorothy's armoured van and drove to the Watercest Bank of Montreal.

Dorothy, still holding on to Woody and her gun, commanded the others to leave the car and run inside the bank. They were all given black bags with various guns inside. Buzz himself actually had a bren 10, but that was beside the point.

"But this is wrong!" Buzz protested.

"Shut up, or I'll shoot your shiny fishbowl helmet!" Dorothy snapped. "Now you stay here and be the getaway driver for us."

"Let kick some ass," Rose Nylund said, leading the crew inside.

Once they were inside, Rose revealed ger gun and started shooting the ceiling wildly, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Rose, don't screw this up, you nincompoop!" Dorothy muttered to herself. "Honestly, why are you so trigger happy?"

"All right," Rose said to the people in the bank. "You mo-fo's put your hands where I can see 'em! T-rex-" she turned to the dinosaur- "I would appreciate it if you and the Swiss gangsta would go grab some of the money. Go ask that nice young bank teller lady to help you."

After some time, the toys piled in to the van with a few of their weapons and their bags full of cash.

"Where is Rose?" Dorothy Zbornak asked. She said to Buzz, "Start driving!" Go! Go!"

Buzz drove as the Etch-A-Sketch etched a sketch of the events:

Rose, drunk with her own power started threatening people to kiss. Someone had taken the chance and shot her in the leg, leaving her crying and writhing in pain.

"It was probably that no-good Swede," Dorothy said rudely.

The T-rex gulped. He was the one who shot Rose. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but he couldn't let innocent civilians get hurt. Likewise, it hurt him deeply that they had to leave the quadriplegic Swiss gangsta there because the gang knew he would squeal to Dorothy.

"So, are you going to let me go?" Woody asked.

"Of course not!" Dorothy laughed wickedly. "I'm going to keep you - all of you!"

Everyone gasped. Buzz stopped the vehicle. They were now on a mountain road, overlooking the ocean.

"I want to continue playing," Dorothy continued. "We're going to have so much fun robbing banks."

"You can't do this!" the dog cried out. "Buzz, do something!"

Buzz stared at the steering wheel for a while.

"Start driving, Buzz," Dorothy said.

Buzz cringed upon hearing her voice.

"Buzz, start driving!"  
He sighed and started up the van again.

"You all better start making yourselves comfortable; you'll be staying in this van for a while now that you're all criminals."

"What?" the dog whined. "Come on, we're...well, not innocent, but-"

"I am innocent, you see: I was in the van the whole time, so the cameras never saw me. And if you go to the authorities, they'll never choose your words over the kind, elderly substitute teacher."

"You're insane."

"I'm in control. Absolute power corrupts absolutely."

"So you can't be redeemed?" Buzz asked in a serious voice.

Dorothy gave him a confused look. She then gasped.

Buzz had driven to the highest part of the mountain the road was able to take him to, and had gone off the road and up the mountain.

"Good bye, my friends," Buzz said.

Buzz drove the car down the hill at an impressive speed. As the car bounced around, he opened his door and flew away.

"No, Buzz, you bastard!" Dorothy roared.

She tried grabbing the steering wheel, but Woody pulled her back and fought for control of the gun.

"You're a monster!" Woody said to her.

Buzz watched forlornly as the car started rolling down the cliff. It skidded across the road and tumbled further, ending up in the water below.

"We can all find peace now, my friends," Buzz said, shedding a single plastic tear.


End file.
